fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
