he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
