We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
