just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Randomize
