i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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