i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
did i just pee glitter
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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