Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
