I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
