oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
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Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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