my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
