Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
