I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
