sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
