just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
ugly people sure do ruin things
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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