Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
