Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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