you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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