Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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