Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
