Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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