In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
