I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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