I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
