I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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