Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
