Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always time for handjobs
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
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