I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
