So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
