If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
