her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
