she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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