I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
