I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
