I wanna passion pit in your ass
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
