He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
