We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
