I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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