Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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