I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
