I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
