I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
