come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
