My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
