Whod you bang
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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