1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
