I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
