So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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