Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
