So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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