I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I wish i was in the wii world.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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