i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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