i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
