I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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