It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
