Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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