:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
