i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
im holly from the hills drunk
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize