Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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