so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Never joke about your clitoris.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
