What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
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She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
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I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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