I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
