I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
